Not-tasteless

[billynomates]

THE ITALIAN SAYS
"When I finished makina da love with my girlfriend...I go down & gently
tickle the back of her knees. She floats 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy"

THE FRENCH MAN REPLIES
" Zat is nothing. With ze girlfriend, ah kiss all ze way down her bodee
and zen ahlick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches
above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

THE AUSSIE SAYS

"Mate, that's nothin.
When I'm finished shaggin me Missus,
I get out bed , walk over to the window
and wipe me dick on the curtains.
She hits the fuckingg roof."

[billynomates]

On my first night in prison, I asked my cell-mate, "What are you in for?"

He said, "Me? Nothing. But you're in for an arse raping"

[billynomates]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

So I bought her some bathroom scales.

The Doctor said I should make a good recover but may always walk with a limp...

[billynomates]

I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

"Billy, if you even think about going out to that fucking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever getting back in this house!"

That's my boy.

[billynomates]

My wife said, "We have to fight to make this marriage work."

It wasn't much of a fight, she went down after one punch.

[Niccivan]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

So I bought her some bathroom scales.

The Doctor said I should make a good recover but may always walk with a limp...

[billynomates]

I got a knock at the door from a policeman last night. He held up a photo of a woman and asked me if it was my girlfriend.

"Yes it is" I answered.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" he said.

I told him "Yes, I know, but she's got a lovely personality".

[billynomates]

I was driving home the other day when all of a sudden the car swerved. I hit the kerb full on, the car spun in the air a full 360, I smashed into a lampost, 2 cars and then took out a post box. As I struggled to get out of the wreckage a policeman came up to me and said 'Are you drunk sir?' I said 'I fucking hope so, do I look like a woman?'

[billynomates]

I was outside a French restaurant when a couple came up to me and said, "Avez-vous une table pour deux?"

"Are you calling me a cunt?" I asked.

Shocked, the man replied, "Not at all! I thought you worked here; I was asking for a table."

"So you thought I was French?"

"Well yes."

"Are you calling me a cunt?" I repeated.

[billynomates]