Dear Sir
>
>I am planning a trip to Las Vegas soon, and have never played poker there
>before. Could anyone suggest a book or better yet an internet resource that
>would fully explain the proper etiquette involved in playing the game in a
>casino environment?
No need for that! I will explain fully.
First, when you win a pot you should gloat loudly and tell your opponent
how badly he played. Always be sure to tell everyone how well you play and
your strategy for winning. Always explain in great detail why you make the
plays you do. Tell your opponents how well you read them and point out every
little error.
Secondly, when you lose a pot you should throw the cards at the dealer and
in a loud voice complain bitterly to the person that beat you about what a bad
player he is.
Third. Always ask for new decks and setups and constantly complain about
how the dealer in the box "cold decks" you whenever he deals. Tell the current
dealer and everyone at the table you will never play on one of his downs ever
again and not only that he can't even deal the cards without making a mistake.
Even if he doesn't make a mistake wait patiently for some very minor infraction
and then loudly complain about his indiscretions.
Fourth. Don't forget to glare and stare at players and dealers and try to
intimidate people with your mean callous disposition. Constantly mutter under
your breath, always speaking just loud enough so people can hear the foulest
stream of obscenities that you can possibly think of.
Last. When you miss your straight, flush or full house or fail to make
two pair when necessary, cry like a little baby about how unlucky you are and
how you never catch any cards. Moan and groan about how unlucky you are.
Always complain out loud about the odds against your opponent beating you.
Never forget to mention that he had only one card in the deck with which to
win. Tell everyone how you can never catch a break. Let people know that if
it wasn't for the complete morons sitting at this table, you would be winning a
lot of money. Tell them that the world sucks, and wonder out loud about how
you could be so unlucky. Tell them you are the best player in the room, yet
you are still losing to a bunch of idiots that can't even spell poker.
All of the above are acceptable, desirable character traits for partaking
in any casino poker activity.
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