User Tag List

Results 1 to 8 of 8

86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank

This is a discussion on 86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank within the Funny Bone forums, part of the Fun And Games category; Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank ...

  1. #1
    gat's Avatar
    gat
    gat is offline Senior Member
    This user has no status.
     
    ----
     

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    USA
    Country:
    United States
    Posts
    5,896
    Chips
    5,904
    Stars
    6,249

    Wink 86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank

    Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank
    manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
    -------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival
    in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

    In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the
    number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

    IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR
    (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

    #1. To make an appointment to see me

    #2. To query a missing payment.

    #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

    #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

    #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

    #6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

    #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

    #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

    #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold,
    pending the attention of my automated answering service.

    #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.


    Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

    Your
    Humble Client

    (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman -'You have to love senior citizens!!!!!)

    And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off.
    In God We Trust!

  2. #2
    LadyWrestler's Avatar
    LadyWrestler is offline Moderator
    This user has no status.
     
    ----
     

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    USA.
    Country:
    United States
    Posts
    13,879
    Chips
    13,885
    Stars
    14,954
    Blog Entries
    12

  3. #3
    cellist's Avatar
    cellist is offline Senior Member
    Forgive me, I'm male. ;)
     
    Flirty
     

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    31,947
    Chips
    29,434
    Stars
    6,167
    Great!

  4. #4
    billybob's Avatar
    billybob is offline Senior Member
    This user has no status.
     
    ----
     

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    In the south!!!
    Posts
    4,979
    Chips
    3,207
    Stars
    5,136
    Omg that was fantastic !!!

  5. #5
    billynomates's Avatar
    billynomates is offline Senior Member
    This user has no status.
     
    ----
     
    Mahjong Connect Champion, Shuffle Champion, Square Bear Trivia Squares Champion, Carrot Sweeper Champion, Bricks Of Egypt 2 Champion, Bricks Of Egypt Champion

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Cardiff Wales
    Posts
    13,989
    Chips
    8,846
    Stars
    15,462
    Blog Entries
    2
    nice one

  6. #6
    fuzzidrawers's Avatar
    fuzzidrawers is online now Senior Member
    This user has no status.
     
    Amused
     

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    in a fuzzy place
    Country:
    United States
    Posts
    2,208
    Chips
    1,800
    Stars
    2,422
    Blog Entries
    71

  7. #7
    Loonzy is offline Junior Member
    This user has no status.
     
    ----
     

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    3
    Chips
    3
    Stars
    4
    Good one

  8. #8
    WinJStar's Avatar
    WinJStar is online now Owner
    Mom says if I can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
     
    Question
     

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    Country:
    United States
    Posts
    24,011
    Chips
    17,551
    Stars
    23,360
    Blog Entries
    12
    Go Team SWS*! Follow us on Twitter and Facebook!

    Awards Showcase


Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •