Divorce

[wabbit]

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of the 2008 election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:








--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.








--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.








--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.








--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and bio diesel.








--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.








--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps users, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.








--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.








--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.








--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.








--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley MacLaine. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

--You can give everyone Obamacare if you can find any practicing doctors.








--We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right.








--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."








--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reidwith you.

P.P.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

[billybob]

Sounds like a plan to me !!

[jmather]

Douche

[WinJStar]

Timmy, are you stalking Billybob? Geesh, everywhere he posts, you follow him. Bored much?

[jmather]

Yep N' yepP

[StevieJS]

Yep N' yepP

Pretty much Dots all the "I's" and crosses all the "T's"

[spaceboy761]

Sweet. You guys can keep 85% of the teenage pregnancies, the majority of the welfare recipients (yes, the red states have more), and NASCAR. It's just a bunch of non-athletes driving cars in circles. We'll keep every relevant university and nearly all of the economic capital. Good luck buying any cars or oil when almost 100% of them are capitalized about two blocks from my Manhattan office. We fund the beer companies too.

The Bible was written in Greece and Israel, not Alabama. You don't get to claim that. Thank you for giving us so many religions to pick from! I love my freedom of religion!

I'll also look forward to not shipping one tenth of my income to you. That will come in handy for buying all of the computer software and platforms... things you guys won't have. Have fun growing tobacco in the dark.

[DDT]

We'll keep every relevant university and nearly all of the economic capital. Good luck buying any cars or oil when almost 100% of them are capitalized about two blocks from my Manhattan office. We fund the beer companies too.

what you call relavant and what e call relavant must be way way diff, as for oil....more here, penn has alot because of the barnett shale..but that is in Ky too...but one of the bigger fields is in north dekota...but do they even want you?

The Bible was written in Greece and Israel, not Alabama. You don't get to claim that. Thank you for giving us so many religions to pick from! I love my freedom of religion!

I don't really do religion

I'll also look forward to not shipping one tenth of my income to you. That will come in handy for buying all of the computer software and platforms... things you guys won't have. Have fun growing tobacco in the dark.

Intel is in NM, Dell is in TX
nuff said

[Niccivan]

regardless of what the reality of the original post it.... it was damn funny and still had some ring of truth to it.

[DDT]

true