I've always said, should I be elected to the office of the presidency, against My will, I will do so as a single man, as it seems that most political scandals involve infidelity... If you're single, there can be no infidelity....Originally Posted by ColdCase
Hence, I'd like to offer a view into the first week of My presidency.... As reported by every major news network...
"On Monday, President Derek scandalously slept in till 2pm, missing several urgent calls from world leaders.... and upon waking, ran from the White House, COMPLETELY nude, with what has been reported as being a bottle of whisky in each hand. The President then, according to our reports...went skinny dipping in the reflecting pool.... When asked for comment, The President would reply only with "wubba wubba wubba, I STILL love Downtown Julie Brown. Hold all My calls, UNLESS MTV CALLS, I'll talk to THEM." Talks have already begun as to whether President Derek is fit for the Presidency."
"On Tuesday, President Derek slept until 4pm, making him the latest sleeping president in US history, and missing several important calls. Upon waking, he ONCE AGAIN, ran from the White House, AGAIN, completely nude, with what he has admitted in press reports to be a bottle of whisky in each hand. Talks have continued as to whether President Derek is fit for office, but so far, have remained deadlocked."
"On Wednesday, President Derek AGAIN slept in, this time waking at 3pm, missing several SOMEWHAT-imporatant calls from the Prime Minister of Poland... He took his usual nude later afternoon jog, beverages in hand, and took his usual waking dip, this time without bottles of booze in hand... While the President IS onorthodox, he IS consistant... Perhaps we've misjudged the President."
"On Thursday, President Derek woke up, went for a 'wake up jog' with plenty of fluids in hand, and then went for a quick swim before fielding calls from top members of several important industries. The director of programming for MTV was quoted as saying "I don't know what all the fuss is about, he's a really cool guy and makes for great TV."
"On Friday, President Derek announced he was in several important talks with major American industry leaders in attempts to stimulate both the economy and also education. He was quoted as saying, 'Why DON'T kids know what REALLY happens in Washington... I make it My promise to make the office of the Presidency something children and teenagers can once again aspire to, because THEY are our future!!!!' as crowds cheered for the nation's leader."
In a related story, the President's approval rating has jumped to 99% with the 18 to 25 year old vote, an important demographic in today's society. In fact, President Derek is actually the most popular President in our nation's history with this demographic...........
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