DJQ

I would send her a series of 3 emails.

1. A tribute to all your mutual friends who have died.
That is; A few paragraphs about the quality of character
each one possessed.
Their shining qualities as well as their dark ones.

2. An email outlining what you wish would have happened
if you had involved yourself more in their rehabilitation.
This should be written in general terms and not a strategy
for each one.

3. A final list of the departed. When they were born
and the date they died. Conclude by leaving her the
address of her local rehab center and finish by wishing her
well.

Send it to her by acquiring a new e-mail address and
then delete it as soon as you have finished sending the
series. (The series should be sent all together)

Even if she has your old email address she will respond
by clicking 'send' and will see by the deletion that you
still don't want to have anything other to do with her.

Dude....it's a gesture and insulates you from further
grief by staying strong and.....away!!

CC

IMO, Da Man has nailed the answer!

WTF?..... no other suggestions?

I feel bad Frank!

CC offers sound advice. You really can't get any more involved without enabling her continued drug abuse. This is a sad situation, but all you really can do is let her know you care. She has to want to stop for rehab to work.

I agree with CC. Even though his is some great advise, I'd still like to hear other oppinions on the subject. I've already been to 4 funerals in the past year. I don't want to have to go to another one anytime soon.

I'd stay well clear, she knows what buttons to push with you, she knows how to manipulate your feelings for her and get what she wants, you have done the hard part and let her know not to contact you again, any contact now will tell her that you arent sincere when you asked her to stay away. You have supported her in the past and offered her the world and she has chosen another route.

I understand that you want to help, she is very special to you and you just don't want to let her go like this but any contact will send the wrong signals. I dont think you have done anything to feel guilty about - if you really felt the need to do something i would attempt to do something anonomously - or through a friend - steer clear of letting her back in because as you know it will start small and you will prob end up getting hurt again.

I say this from experience - Actions speak louder than words - you can say what you like - until you actually do it and stick to it she will always think she can get you back.

O.K. There's one little thing that I neglected to mention. Although "Sue" doesn't come around very often, she is a member here at LP. So maybe you can just leave some advice for her directly, in the hopes that she may one day see it. That way all I'd have to do is get word to her throught the grapevine to come in here and read this blog.

Frank, I think that you have to help her. If she refuses your help, then you back down some, but never give up. You can't just ignore the problem. She may not even want to hear what you have to say. But you have to try.

Best of luck. We are all here for you if you need us.

There is nothing worse than finding someone you care for dead at the bottom of your bathtub one fine Sunday morning. My girl had "the sickness" and there was nothing I could do to help her including loving her with all my heart, encouraging her to quit, and being her 24x7 caretaker while she de-toxed in my home. The will to quit has to come from within and there is nothing anyone can do if the addict really does not want to quit.

If she wants to know what will happen if she does not find the strength to quit, have her talk to Dr Mikey - I know what will happen - I've seen up close, I've held the cold, dead reality of it all in my arms, and I live with it every day

Wow, I trully am sorry for your lose. That's a very sad story, and a reality I hope to never experience myself.