DJQ

Here's my story, it's sad but true. It's about a girl that I once knew. She took my love then ran around, with every single guy in town...
I should have known it from the very start. This girl would leave me with a broken heart. Now listen people what I'm telling you... Well you get the picture.

11:45 p.m. Friday Dec. 15th. 2000.
That's the moment that would changed my life forever.

I was D.J.ing at a local watering hole when at that exact moment I heard the front door open next to me. Now normally I would never even pay any attention to it, but for some reason I looked to see who was walking in the door. What I saw was my future, but what I didn't know was how chaotic that future would be. I had never seen this woman before in my life, but something told me that I had to get to know her. Now for the sake of this story I'll call her "Sue".(not her real name)

Over the next few weeks Sue and I became friends, and within a few months became best friends. Even though I didn't tell her then, I was already starting to fall in love with her. That fact would tear me apart every time I saw her meet a new guy(usually losers), and start dating them. Then came that "fateful" night. In more ways than one...

Tue. Sept. 11, 2001.
It was my first night working in a bar that we would hang out at. Of course because of the events that took place earlier that day, it was not really a happy occasion. Sue showed up as she did to many of my shows, and at one point in the night she said that she had something she wanted to talk to me about. She then proceeded to recount her dating history of the past few months, explaining that she had made some very bad choices(to which I had to agree). She then said that she had given it a lot of thought, and figured who better to date than your best friend. Needless to say this made me very happy, and we set our first official "date" for the very next night.

Sue and I both enjoy singing karaoke, so I decided that we would go to a bar that one of my friends was djing at. We knew most of the people in the bar, and most were thrilled to find out that the two of us were finally going to try dating. Most knew of my feelings for her as I often wear my heart on my sleeve. We were at the bar for about an hour when my turn to sing came around. When I finished singing and returned to our table I found that she was nowhere to be found. After inquiring with a few people I was informed that she had left with some other guy. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. To say I was upset would be the biggest understatement ever made in history.

Several months pass without us so much as saying a word to each other, even though we would see each other from time to time in different bars. She then moved away to a town about an hour away, and I would very rarely see her. Eventually the bad feelings started to fade, and we started to talk and even became friends again. I hadn't seen or heard from her in about a year when she showed up one night at the bar where I was working. That was in Sept. of 2003. That night was deja vu all over again. She approached me at the end of the night, and told me that she wanted to give "us" another chance. I reminded her of the saying "once bitten, twice shy", and told her I'd have to give it some thought. The truth of the matter is I was still in love with her and wanted to try again as well. So we started seeing each other again.

About a month passes and all is going well(or so I thought). Then on a Fri. night after my show we decided to go to an after hours bar and have a few drinks. When they closed at 6am, she didn't want to go home and talked me into going to another bar that opened at 6. I had been there several times and knew the regular crowd at that time of morning, so I hesitantly agreed. When we arrived at the bar, don't ask me why, but that's the moment I picked to tell her that I loved her for the first time. She said the feeling was mutual and we went inside. I was playing chess while she was talking to a mutual female friend of ours. When I finished and decided it was time to go home(about 9am), she was nowhere to be found. So once again I found my self searching the bar and asking people where she may have gone. About half an hour later my friend came out of the ladies room and told me that Sue wanted me to go get her phone, etc. out of my car because she had found another ride home. My friend followed me to my car, I gave her Sues things, and told her to tell Sue to go to hell.

Later that night I stopped on my way to work at the same bar where Sue and I had met. It was football season and I needed to turn in my picks for that weeks pool. After standing there for a few minutes I realized that Sue was sitting with some guy just 2 stools down from me. I didn't want to cause a scene so I left without saying a word. Later that night I composed a very "worded" letter and dropped it off at her house a few days later, only to find out that she had moved halfway across the country to live with her sister. I managed to get her address and mailed her the letter. About a week later I recieved one back from her. In it she explained that she had gotten frightened because her feelings for me had become to strong and she was afraid that she would end up hurting me. She also told me that the guy she had dated a couple months earlier, a guy that was very abusive, had started to cause her trouble again, and that's why she just picked up and left.

Just before christmas I got a phone call from her. She said she was on her way back home and wanted to see me that night. So we met at the bar, had a few drinks and talked all night. She again said that she wanted us to pick up where we left off and that she would never do something like that again. I reluctantly agreed to give her another chance and drove her home. When I tried calling her the next day I found out that she had moved back across the country once again.

During the next few months I found out some very disturbing things about Sue that I never knew. Apparently she had become a very heavy drug user, getting into meth and worse. Soon after I lost all contact with her, as she had moved once again.

Then in Oct. of 2006 I saw her in a bar, and was told that she had moved back several months earlier. I left without saying anything to her even though she was yelling my name and chasing after me as I left. In late Nov. I decided to get ahold of her, so I got her # and gave her a call. We hooked up a few days later to talk and she explained that she had gotten herself "clean" and was a whole new person. We started hanging out again and on the way to my show on christmas eve she again asked me to give her another chance. She had proved to me that she was now clean and I felt that she truly had changed so I decided that I would give it another try. After my show we were invited to one of the bartenders houses to have a few drinks. One of the regulars was also going but said he was going to go get his 4 wheeler and drive it there. He then asked Sue if she wanted to ride along with him and she said yes. You can probably guess where this is leading. I waited for her until 8am and she never showed, so I went home.

She called me later that night and told me that they ended up going "mudding" and it got late so she stayed at his house, but that nothing happened. I really didn't know what to believe. The night before new years eve she came with me to my show again and asked if I could forgive her and give her yet another chance. I told her that I had serious trust issues with her and that she'd have to prove herself to me. Now she had told me that she had a date for new years that she had agreed to months earlier, but told me she wanted to spend the night with me. Stupidly I told her no. I said that to prove that she had changed she shouldn't stand up someone else at the last minute because that would be wrong.

We exchanged a few text messages on new years eve and she told me that she was having a terrible time and that the guy she was with was a real jerk. The last time I heard from her was at 3am, and she said she was afraid this guy was going to do something bad to her. That was the last time I heard from her for the next several weeks. I tried everything to get ahold of her and find her short of calling the police. I was worried to death. Then out of the blue she called me and told me that she had moved in with this guy that night and that they were going to give it a chance.

I don't know why, but I still remained friends with her after that and we would talk almost every day. She eventually left him and got her own place but still lived 2 hours away from me. She said she missed me and wished we could work things out and start over. So in June of 2007 I took a trip to spend the weekend with her. Things went bad and I came home that same night after she had fallen asleep. This time I was the one that dissappeared without a word and she didn't like it to much. So again we were at odds with each other and not speaking.

Well, a few weeks pass and that blows over as well, and we start talking again. However, she now moves across the country again, and we can't do anything but talk on the phone, internet, etc. Fast forward to Dec. of 2007. She knows I've got to have several surgeries this year and says she would like to be here for me and help me. So in late Jan. of this year she moves across the country to live with me. Once here she tells me that she's not going to date anyone and that she was going to be devoted to me. That lasted all of about 2 hours until she met some guy that she'd know for awhile.

Over the next week or so I told her that we were just friends(with benefits) and that she was free to do as she pleases because my feelings for her had trully changed over time. So she starts going out on a few dates with this other guy. Soon after it wasn't just him. She started going out with a few different guys as well. I guess I got jealous and I told her to make other living arrangements. A few days later on the night before she was to move out, she went out once again with some guy. When she got home she wanted to talk so we did so for about 2 hours. She said that it was "killing her" having me mad at her, that she loved me with all her heart and wanted us to try again to be a couple. She said that she would give up all the other guys because I was the only one for her. I told her that she still had to move out the next day and that I would give it some thought. A few days later I decide That I'd give her one more chance, only to find out that she confided in a friend of ours that she didn't feel "that way" about me(even though it's been her that's now asked me out on 7 different occasions, and I never once asked her out). When I asked her about it she said that she didn't even remember telling me those things a few nights earlier. I then find out that the guy she was with earlier that night is a small time local drug dealer, and that she's now dating him. So I then break off all communication with her.

Here it is a few months later and once again she says she wants to be a part of my life, as friends, even though I explained to her that I could never trust her again. I told her that "trust" is the most important part of any relationship, even if it's just a friendship.


Now, here's where I need your advice/oppinions.


First and foremost, keep in mind that I still love her with all my heart, and that will never change as long as I live.

So...

1. What do you think I should do?

2. What would you do?

3. Ladies, why would a woman do these things to a guy she says she loves with all her heart? I would really like a womans point of view on this.


I know that this is really long but it's been very heavy on my mind for a very long time. I thank those of you that have read this far and can offer up any insights you may have.


Love you all, and thanks again,

"Q"